Seeking Comfort
by condemned-2-fate
Summary: Milly x Dearka. Milly and many of her friends joined one of the neutral ships after the treaty for peace was signed. Unfortunately, it seems they'll have a harder time reaching their goal than they had originally thought. disclaimer I do not own gundam se
1. Searching the stars

Hey! this is my first fanfic. It's about Milly and Dearka! yay! it takes place before gundam seed destiny...but probobly after gundam seed just ended...

i'll contiune if i get five reviews! tell me what you think!

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Ever since Mirillia had just barely reached an adult's knee, she dreamed of exploration. She dreamed of seeking out the impossible. Though such stimulating thoughts raced through her mind, everything remained hidden. It would have been foolish to burden others with worry and unease by always straying to far from the 'acceptable' limit.

That's exactly what created a barrier between Mirillia's thoughts and actions. Little did her poised parents realize that their daughter would soon stray millions of light years away, from what they would deem remotely acceptable.

It was her twelfth birthday, an early Sunday morning, when Milly awoke. It was normal for a regular twelve year old to bound down the long flight of stairs that led into the tiny kitchen. In fact, it would have been normal for a twelve year old to sing or skip on that particular occasion. Yet, within the Howe's residence, that would have been considered so irregular, they would assume something was wrong with their child.

Since it was a Sunday, all of Milly's schedule remained the same. She took all of her classes with her tutors, and completed her homework. It wasn't until after Dinner when Milly's parents had scheduled her birthday, and the 'unveiling' of a new age.

Walking sweetly to the couch in front of a large table baring no mark of ever being used, Milly sat politely as her relatives watched quietly around her.

A calm serenity drifted lazily around the room, as the small twelve year old girl sat with perfect posture and began to unwrap the gifts. Each piece of delicately wrapped ribbon was unbound and placed neatly on the polished surface of the coffee table to lay dormant until further use. A peaceful, naïve smile flourished on Milly's rosy face, hiding her lingering thoughts of elsewhere.

Elsewhere, if that is indeed what you'd call it, was where Miriellia was at that particular moment. Though that precise minute was not what the twelve year old had imagined. A thin, blue eyed eighteen year old Milly stood stoic, facing a small window. This tiny glimpse outside the ship allowed her to gaze at the distant PLANTS and past the cold exterior of the vessel. It was, in fact, the very same ship Milly had boarded only months ago along with other soldiers willing to help the neutral side of the war. Though at that time, when the treaty had been signed and hope was very high, the ship had glistened and radiated with such magnificent beauty. Now, even to those just glancing, it only held a dim light reflected by the neighboring stars.

Slouching slightly, Milly wrapped her arms tighter around her middle in hopes of comfort. She and many others had joined this vessel in anticipation of a brighter future. Though, so far, not much had been accomplished, at least nothing worth mentioning.

Large blue orbs penetrated the small frame of the window, as the ship propelled forward. The stars had once given her comfort, or maybe they had given her consolation. Though, both may have been true at one point in time, maybe the real reason Milly had always looked towards the stars was for justification of her just trying to be.

Milly always had a knack for remembering things. She would remember every doll she ever owned, all of her birthdays, and bits and pieces from every turning point in her life. She hated it. There always seemed to be too many memories.

An audible sigh escaped Milly's mouth as she brought her self back from her wondering thoughts.

"You keep sighing like that, someone might think were up to something." A tanned teenager remarked slyly from the corner of the room where a small bunk bed lay. The words lingered within the room as the boy shifted on the low cot.

Dearka. Yes, he had joined the neutral vessel as well. In fact, so did many of Milly's friends, in hopes of finally ending the war. Unfortunately, Dearka seemed to become rather found of following Milly around the ship. Whether or not the reason was because he felt the need to protect her, or just annoy the hell out of her, it was beginning to get on her nerves.

Normally, Milly was always a quite and patient person owing to her child hood, and had a fairly reserved personality. This however, was the moment Milly, after being hap-hazardously thrown into the war years ago and facing so many over whelming problems, snapped.

She was tired, hungry, and so not about to be mocked by a guy who thought himself higher that any other personnel on the ship and anywhere else they happened to encounter.

"Go to heck!" was the horrific retort given by Milly whose temper was rising dangerously. Yes, as horrible as it sounds, Milly had said heck. ;)

Shooting Dearka the dirtiest look she could possible muster, Milly inhaled deeply, watching his smirk grow.

Truthfully, Dearka couldn't take any more. If the eighteen year old said one more word, he would most definitely burst out in hysterical fits of laughter. It took all of his effort in to not cracking up.

"You are being absolutely ridiculous. You can be such an insensitive jerk and you have the stupidest sense of humor!" Milly began to rant and walk towards Dearka who swung his legs off the bed causing a reverberating thunking noise to echo around the room.

Striding to where Dearka was sitting on the bed, Milly look down her nose at him and scowled. At least she was taller than him while he was sitting. Unfortunately, even Dearka could tell that for a brief second Milly looked as though she quite enjoyed the idea of being taller that someone.

Smirking even more, Dearka stood up so that he was a good half a head tall that Milly. Yep. That would annoy her.

A tense glaring contest had begun as both the teens shot each other defiant stares. It was odd that even after all of Milly's etiquette lessons and manner classes, she still liked to win at glaring contests. Especially if it was against Dearka. That was probably due to the fact that whenever Dearka won, he would tend to regard the loser with, if possible, even less respect and courtesy the entire week. Dearka's boastful nature seemed to always get the best of him.

It was true, that Milly had never been greatly competitive. She didn't, however, feel as though she wanted to have to deal with Dearka having one more thing to hold over her. Making up her mind, Milly stretched out her arm and poked Dearka hard in the stomach. Dearka blinked and recoiled slightly. He looked absolutely shocked that Milly had cheated. In fact, it wasn't as though she even poked him hard, it was just the fact that she actually poked him.

"You cheated." Obviously this did not sit well for Dearka. Milly, on the other hand, was highly enjoying her self.

"I won." Retorted Milly enthusiastically as she moved away from Dearka and began to walk to the other side of the room where the huge steel door directed her to the way out.

Feeling her spirits lifted, Milly reached out to the pad lock beside the door to unlock the latch. 'Nqwfty'. That was the six letter code on the lock. Or at least, it was. The machine grunted and the door stayed stationary. Even after the second attempt, Milly couldn't seem to get the door to budge. Then, it hit her.

Spinning around, Milly glowered at Dearka's face which practically shone with triumph. "Tell me what you changed the code to." Milly commanded. It was of course just like Dearka to lock Milly into the room until she pleaded with him to let her out. That plan of his would just have to fail, because Milly truly wasn't in the mood for his stupid games.

"Tell me right now." Repeated Milly very slowly as though she didn't want to confuse Dearka in any way. Regrettably, it didn't seem as though he wanted his victim to get away that easily.

"No." Grinned Dearka slyly.

"Pardon?"

"I said no."

Great. Dearka seemingly wasn't going to give in anytime soon. Milly's eyes darted from Dearka to the lock than back again. It was so obvious. Only Dearka would use his own name as the six letter combo.

"Goodbye Dearka." Milly said with a smile plastered to her face as she pressed the six digit word into the key pad, D-E-A-R-K-A. The door snapped open and she stepped out into the corridor. "If I were you, I'd sign in shortly." With that, Milly left Dearka standing in the middle of the compartment.

Hearing her fading footsteps, Dearka blinked and stood straighter. Smiling at the still door, he inhaled the motionless air, as though he was waiting for Milly to appear back through.

She did not however return within that minute so Dearka, smirking to himself, followed her path out the door. If anyone had been near enough to hear him, they probably would have said he was insane. Walking down the hall, Dearka mumbled to himself, "it's too bad she thinks she'll get away with doing that."

Grinning broadly, Dearka began to meander down the hallways looking for the one person who had beaten him. Or at least cheated. Peering around the corner, Dearka began to search for Miriellia.

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Loved it? hated it? i wanna know. please review.


	2. Storing Memories

I do not own gundam seed.

Thanks for reviewing.

Here's the second chapter! there will most likely be about three or four chapters in total!

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Milly's ability of recollection was unnerving, according to anyone's standards. Truthfully, it wasn't that her memory was necessarily better than anyone else's, but it was as though instead of storing her memories, she kept them all in the front of her mind. Many would suppose it would be like watching a movie, over and over and over. She was never really able to be a peace with her memories, whether they're happy or not.

It had been only a few moths since Milly had found something that brought her mind away from recalling. A camera. The pictures she took were all of things she connected with. A gundam was what the first picture was taken of. In fact, in mid battle, Milly had taken a picture of it outside the window. Every memory that seemed to be pulsing in the front of her mind, flashing pictures of Toll, Kira and all of the battles and gundams she had ever witnessed, were settled. They weren't forgotten. Just stored. Even after this amount of progress, Milly was still unable to be truly happy. Or at least at peace with her memories.

If Milly's hectic shifts around the ship, reports, and maintenance weren't stressful enough, there still was of course, Dearka.

It couldn't have been past midnight on the second day after the ship docked to restock. Being half way through her third cup of coffee, Milly wasn't in the happiest of moods. She had been put in charge of assembling the data analysis reports into some resemblance of order. It might not have been that difficult, or taken her as long, if there wasn't the fact that she hadn't slept in thirty-three hours.

Placing each file in alphabetical order was a hassle to say the least. Milly's hands ran along the folder names and though the letters marking the condescending order they were to be arranged in. The small room smelled of stale paper, coffee, and a musky, storage aroma that told anyone who entered the room that it had not been inhabited in a while.

As the last couple reports were filed with their appropriate category, Milly yawned and blinked as though trying to gain tiny bit of strength so that she could make it back to her room. This unfortunately, never happened. The room Milly had spent the last few hours in, if not more, began to dissolve and Milly's head rested on the cold, wooded desk.

If a guy new one thing about a girl, it should be that we cannot be remotely happy or in any likeness to what one would refer to as a good mood, if we don't get enough sleep. Too bad Dearka missed that fact.

"My, aren't we looking awake and lively." Were the first words that abruptly woke Milly up. Jumping slightly, Milly's eyes darted over to where Dearka stood smirking, leaning casually against one of the nearby filing cabinets. It took a long, stunned, moment before Milly could register where she was, and the smug look on Dearka's face.

Everything seemed to hit her all at once.

Practically leaping off her chair, Milly scanned the room around her, confirming that she had actually finished the reports, and not just dreamed it. Thankfully, she had finished.

"I need to give the report information to the captain, and then…" Milly stopped and peered down at her watch. "…start my monitoring duty…" straitening her uniform, Milly began to walk towards the door. "…and then…" she only had four hours of sleep, there really was too much to think about. "…I, uh….need to check the data log for the preparation for the ships assault and defense weapons…maybe someone already did that….oh! I need to confirm the schedules for the ships arrival at the central base, so I can tell…" Milly stopped and sighed deeply, before punching the code into the lock pad.

Standing perfectly still, listening to Milly rant was an odd sight, especially for someone like Dearka. Obviously he couldn't take it any more.

"Don't be an idiot." Dearka reached over and grabbed Milly's arm. Staring angrily at him, Milly betrayed what most guys would call, PMS. The jerks.

"What do you mean by that Mr. Elsman?" Milly snapped dangerously.

"whoa." Dearka mumbled, raising his hands as though surrendering. Inhaling sharply, Milly spun around and re-typed the unlock code.

Dearka crumpled. He had made Milly cry. "Hey, don't cry. You're supposed to be a soldier…." By the hurt expression on Milly's face, he concluded that he had made a wrong move.

Strolling over to the once cluttered desk, Milly reached across its surface and grasped her cold coffee. Turing around, the sweetest smile spread across her face. Her eyes however, remained both exhausted and scornful.

"It's been such a pleasure talking to you after my nice long four hour sleep. And how nice of you to remind me yet again that I don't qualify as someone you would deem as soldier worthy…" Very slowly, Milly took small steps toward Dearka, who began too look slightly alarmed.

"Hey, hey…I was kidding. Kay? You should get some sleep. Jeez." Way-to-go Dearka.

Dearka was left standing in the small room after Milly had stormed out the door. He was now, drenched in cold coffee, and the empty cup lay abandoned on the floor.

It took seven minutes for Dearka to trudge down the long corridors, and track down Milly. Peering around the corner, Dearka's eyes stayed fixed on the girl as she entered the cafeteria. (No doubt to get more coffee).

Anyone who was passing by, would undoubtedly think this as pure irony. Not only a mobile suit pilot, but a coordinator, was standing, drenched in coffee, and inching around one of the hallway's brightly lit corners. As odd as it all seemed, the coffee was beginning to pool slightly underneath his shoes.

Milly didn't even notice when a wet Dearka entered the cafeteria. In fact, she was dead set on getting a coffee. The aroma of caffeine and coffee beans emitted off of the large metal container and seemed to fill the entire room. Though, Milly doubted whether even the coffee would wake her up. Her thoughts were only halted when a loud voice form the other side of the room reached her ears.

"Milly. I brought your coffee. You seemed to have left it." Everyone around him could smell the strong fragrance of cold coffee wafting off the young gundam pilot. The entire cafeteria turned to where Milly stood looking horror struck. She hated being stared at, and by the entire staff no less.

Smirking widely, Dearka watched as Milly's eyes narrowed and she gracefully strolled right past him and back out through the doors. This, left him standing in the middle of a chuckling group of his colleagues.

Racing after Milly, Dearka rethought his tactics.

Even in the midst of her furry, Milly could distinctively hear the echo of approaching footsteps. Dearka, no less, was catching up to her. Taking a long sip of her coffee, Milly turned around in time to see Dearka appear around the corner. He stopped a couple feet away from where she stood.

"Well? I have my rounds to do." Milly spoke impatiently, watching Dearka's crestfallen face.

"I'll do it." Mumbled Dearka who didn't quite meet Milly's eyes.

"Pardon?" Questioned Milly sounding taken back.

Inhaling deeply, Dearka looked up at the person he was speaking to. "I'll do your rounds."

"I- don't be ridiculous. I'm perfectly capable of doing them. Just because I'm not a coordinator…"

"That's not what I meant."

"…"

"You're tired, and it would be stupid…to push your self. Kay?"

A long silence stretched between them as Milly contemplated her answer. Even someone who knew Dearka personally, would have trouble telling whether or not he was joking.

Dearka was the one who broke the silence. "Besides, no one wants a PMSing natural doing rounds."

Milly probably would have been angry at him, but the fatigue she had been suppressing had finally caught up with her. The act of keeping her eye lids open was even exhausting. Numbly, she could feel an arm rest gently on her shoulders and begin to push her forwards. Without hesitation, she complied and very slowly, was led to her quarters.

Dearka tenderly directed Milly back to her room where she could go back to sleep. It wasn't as though he would let her completely over work herself. The darkened skin under her eyes and the worn down expression on her face notified him that she had enough. Reaching down, he took the coffee from her hands and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

When they reached her room, Dearka punched in the access code and the door slide open. Milly's body went limp as she flopped onto the bed and buried her face in the pale pink pillow. Glancing around, Dearka began to take in his surroundings. The room, unlike his, was incredibly clean and organized, everything was labeled and in order except for her desk. Papers and photographs lay abandoned and littered the entire surface area of the top. Peering at the pictures, Dearka looked at the different shots of people, gundams, ships, water, stars, trees…everything.

"Hey? Milly?" Dearka looked towards the small natural curled amongst the covers.

"Mmhmm?" Milly mumbled, turning her head slightly so that she was squinting at Dearka.

"Why do you keep taking pictures? You have hundreds." The only thought that really came to his mind was, 'what a waste of time.'

"I'm still looking." Replied Milly quietly, sounding as though she was drifting off to sleep.

"Looking for what?" Now, curiosity lined his words as he continued sifting through the piles.

"I donno…" Milly yawned slightly. "Something…for comfort…"

Dearka almost laughed. "And you can't find it in one of these?" He asked waving about three dozen pictures in his hand.

Milly shook her head and her eye lids fell over her eyes. "No…something's always missing. I need to find something…to put my memories in…" Milly's breathing evened out, and Dearka could tell that she had fallen off to sleep.

"Something to put her memories in?" Dearka muttered to himself as he glanced at the peacefully sleeping Milly.

Placing the pictures on one of the many piles, Dearka walked to the door. Flicking off the light, he punching in the six letter code and headed to the secondary deck, where he could report for the duties he had just signed himself up for.

A full ten hours later, Milly awoke only to find herself tangled up in a huge mass of blankets. Detaching her arms and legs from the layers of material proved more difficult than she had first anticipated. Impatiently, Milly threw her arm across in hopes of loosening the covers. This did not however improve her situation. The momentum of her swinging arm caused her body, along with the blankets, to be hurtled off the bed.

Landing on the floor with a definite 'thunk', Milly pushed the fabric off of her. She was still wearing her uniform. How odd. She never remembered going to bed in her uniform….in fact, she never remembered going to bed at all. Standing up, Milly glanced around her. This seemed to jog her memory, because she gasped and turned to face her clock. It was eleven o' clock in the morning. Ah! Who did her rounds? Did Dearka? Who reported to the captain? She never signed out!

About a million thoughts rushed through Milly's head. The most dominant one was to contact the only person she could think of who might have any answers….Dearka.

Leaping over the bundle of sheets on the floor, Milly grabbed the phone and dialed Dearka's personal cell. Each member of the ship carried one in case of emergencies or to receive orders.

Ringing once….

Ringing twice…

Ringing three times….

Dearka answered on the fourth ring.

"'ello." A male voice, obviously belonging to Dearka, spoke from the other end. Milly cleared her throat and paused.

"um…hi…I" Milly began sorting through her words.

"Milly! Oh, so you're awake. Wow. Ten hours. Not bad." Dearka spoke enthusiastically. Opening her mouth, Milly tried to think of something anything to say…why had she called him? Why did her memory fail now!

"So, why did you call me? Any particular purpose? Or did you just miss me?" What an ice breaker Milly thought sarcastically to herself.

"Who reported to the captain? Did you do my rounds? I didn't sign out…why did you let me fall asleep!" Milly demanded trying to fold the bed sheets with one hand while holding the phone in the other.

"Slow down. Everything is taken care of. I told the captain that you needed some time off. You start your regular routines tomorrow." Dearka replied smoothly.

"You what? I….but ?" Milly was beginning to get incredibly frustrated and it was his fault.

"Hold on kay? I'll come up in a second." With that, Dearka hung up.

Tossing the phone across the room, Milly finished folding the blankets. The clicking noise of the door being unlocked was what brought Milly out of her random pondering. Dearka emerged from the door way looking as cheerful as ever, which is surprising owing to the fact that he had done night rounds.

"Hello, hello!" Dearka smiled as the door closed behind him. "I know what you're thinking." Dearka said slyly. For a moment, neither said anything, then Dearka looked slightly baffled and continued. "Okay, I don't know what you're thinking."

Milly placed her hands firmly on her hips and made a sour face. "How could you just let me fall asleep? This ship can't just go and organize it-self." Dearka smiled almost patiently.

"I think the ship will survive for another day. You can catch up on your photography." At the last phrase, Dearka sniggered slightly. He had obviously been referring to the mountain of pictures piled on Milly's desk.

Glancing behind her, then back to Dearka, Milly sighed. "Maybe. I can at least organize them…right?"

Dearka seemed to look so please that Milly had caught on. "Yup. I'll finish your rounds and stuff. Don't stress. Do whatever you want for a few hours." Dearka winked and began heading towards the door.

Waving, Dearka left the room and Milly.

Staring at nothing in particular, Milly decided she would continue with her photography. She had already looked through every picture on her desk multiple times without success. Maybe she was looking in the wrong places.

Leaning over the clutter, Milly clicked a couple buttons on the camera phone so that she was put through to the main deck. A young, brown haired coordinator received the call.

"Milly. You're up I see. How are you feeling? Have you been resting?" Milly smiled back at Kira. He always seemed to worry too much about others.

"I'm fine. Thanks. Listen, where are we?" Milly asked trying not to make it sound as though it was a completely stupid question.

Kira smiled and typed something on the keyboard. "Currently, we are on the boarder of the central base. We arrived almost an hour ago. We received the files you logged last night and everything seems to be in order." Kira informed Milly meeting her eyes on the screen. "Try to rest. You deserve that at least. Call Dearka if you need anything." With that, that screen went blank and Milly scoffed.

Why was everyone implying that there was something going on between her and Dearka? There so wasn't. Was there? No. definitely not………

An hour past without much being accomplished. Everything Milly did was interrupted by some recollection…Kira….Toll….Gundams….Battle…..Ships….Empty…

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she sort out everything? Every piece of clothing, paper, items….anything and everything in Milly's life was sorted out. Right? What was missing?

Central base. Maybe that's where she needed to go. Why not?

Making up her mind, Milly grasped the black strap of her camera and reloaded the film. Everything was so confusing. She couldn't live with it any more. If she couldn't figure out what had gone astray….

Milly punched the access code into the key pad and watched the door skate open, reveling the illuminated corridor. The repairs on the ship would have already started, which means the hanger would be open….for a while anyway.

Sprinting down the deserted hallways, Milly concluded that many of the personnel on board had vacated the ship to visit family on orb. Being slightly out of breath, Milly inhaled intensely and entered the large room where all the aircrafts and mobile suits were kept. This was it.

Walking up to one of the smaller planes, Milly carefully hitched her camera higher on her back. Taking very slow, steady steps up the latter, she hopped into the cockpit and fastened the seatbelt.

The screen read auto pilot.

Clicking on the ignition, Milly watched as the screen list off the procedures. Auto pilot was seemingly doing everything for her. A shouting voice from the other side of the room yelled at her to get out of the aircraft. The sound of the man's voice echoed around the entire room, alerting another solider that the alarm was to be sounded. A high pitched ring began to screech, while Milly punched a button and the machine she was located in grunted and began to propel forwards.

The aircraft flew straight out through the open hanger doors, creating a huge gust of wind, nearly knocking down many of the maintenance workers stationed within the vicinity.

Jerking around slightly in the cockpit, Milly focused her attention on everything around her. She had to take a picture.

Taking a long drink of water, Dearka barely heard his phone ring. Answering it, he expected Milly.

"ello'?" Spoke a lively Dearka.

"Mr. Elsman?" Asked a voice that sounded identical to the captain's.

"Captain? Is anything wrong?" It was never a good sign to get a call from the captain. A brief pause wavered over the phone causing Dearka to focus his senses on catching anything that might be said over the other line.

"It's Miriallia Haw. She was seen stealing the fighter aircraft, Convert. We want to send you after her. Your mobile suit is the only one that has all of its repairs finished. It'll be ready when you get there."

The phone clicked off, leaving Dearka open mouthed. Sprinting down the halls, thoughts sprang into his head, each being more horrific than the last. Milly?

Leaping into his Gundam, Dearka ordered the launching sequence. It might be best if he found her…before she found whatever she was looking for.

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Hated it? loved it? please review!


	3. Misreading

Hey! sorry it took so long to update. i've had so much homework. ;) thisis the final chapter! hope you like it!

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Gusts of Wind hurtled past the exterior of the small metal aircraft, as the propulsion of the engine increased speed. Panicking, the natural in the cockpit began rapidly pushing buttons in attempts of either stopping the machine, or at least slowing it down.

Even in such a small plane, there were hundred of multi colored buttons, knobs and monitors. Everything seemed to have a different beeping noise or ringing sound it would make every so often. Even for a coordinator, the ship would seem complex.

Milly reached around the seatbelt and pushed a large yellow knob in hopes of succeeding. This did not stop the ship, but slow it down. This gave Milly the ability to glance out the window. The aircraft was headed away from the Mother ship and away from Central Base, into the ocean.

Each object that flew past the aircraft was usually only a bird or squirts of water, none of which were what Milly seemed to be looking for. There always seemed to be something missing. It was as though she kept shooting for a particular destination, and yet kept misreading something. She never ended up where she wanted to go…if she even knew where she wanted to go…

At the very front Milly's mind, memories of her and her family flooded through. Clearly, Milly watched a younger version of her self playing in the sand. Her and her family, were on summer vacation. It must have been early afternoon, because the sun shone bright enough that Milly and her mother wore large matching beach hats. Sifting the sand in and out of her intertwined fingers, the small child giggled. It was rare that the Hawes' would get to take leave of their regular activities for something like the beach.

Being only seven, Milly's parents had already enlisted her in universities and had her taking classes of different calibers and types. It was seldom that Milly would get to play or be with her friends.

A grin illuminated Milly's face as she trotted over to the edge of the water. Unfortunately, that was as close as she ever got to the water. Her parents absolutely forbid her to actually go into the ocean. Who knows what could be in there.

Blinking, the eighteen year old returned her focus to the task at hand, stopping the plane. Peering out the window, Milly watched as the water sped by from underneath the aircraft. Maybe that was it. The ocean. All of her parents warnings, all of the battles over the ocean, all of the possible dangers, all of the memories pulsing in Milly's mind were over rode by one simple thought. The answer.

Whether or not the solution lied below her, Milly had to at least try to find out. She had just broken a dozen rules and did not want to go back empty handed. She would not go back without finding something, that much was certain. Through out her entire life, Milly had always been organized, prepared, and knew what she was doing, why she was doing it, and how she was going to get there. Everything always seemed to fall into place.

Jabbing brutally at the small red button on her left side, Milly felt the machine lurch. Both engines died in unison as a high pitch beeping sound emitted from the monitor. Reading the words carefully, Milly regretted her decision. The monitor distinctively read; Auto pilot switched off. Manual drive put in place.

The ship coughed and Milly's stomached jumped as the ship fell into the depths of the water.

Pushing every button in hopes of returning auto pilot to the ships monitor, Milly felt a shallow feeling sinking into her. Great.

Gasping, Milly watched as the ship's screen, in reaction to her button pushing, read DIVE. The engines started back up, and the air craft pointed down and began to slowly descend.

"No. Stop." Milly pleaded, wishing the ship would be considerate and start to go back up. It didn't.

Leaving the hanger of the ship, Dearka began programming his Gundam to search for signs of the aircraft Milly supposedly took. Though, he felt dazed and mostly unaware of what he was typing. Why would Milly of all people take an aircraft? Why the hell would she just get up and leave. It was either that fact that Dearka was worried about Milly or the fact that this whole situation seemed too much for his mind to comprehend, that gave Dearka a headache.

Rubbing his temples, Dearka's mind raced. Why would make Milly act so irrationally? Milly. The neat and tidy person who would never break the rules…the small little natural who labeled every drawer in her room…the girl who always seemed to over work herself unless someone forced her to stop…

Something was missing…

Dearka's head shot up. That was it. Something _was_ missing. That's why Milly left. All of the pictures Milly had taken, the piles of unorganized papers and camera film. She had told him that there was always something missing….that's why she kept taking pictures.

Taking long, slow breaths, Dearka thought. What exactly did she go out looking for? Everything seemed so improbable.

Switching the tracking device on, Dearka's Gundam ascended into the air and began to propel forwards. Even if Milly could figure out how to fly the aircraft, the highest possibility of finding her would be if Dearka went strait ahead.

The Gundam increased velocity as Dearka desperately tried to organize his thoughts. He was searching for Milly, who was searching for…pausing, Dearka rethought everything. He had always teased Milly about how hard she worked…about not being a coordinator…it was his fault she left. She'd probably run into an enemy ship and it would be his fault because he had made her feel like she was supposed to be something more. Could he be even more of an idiot. She probably thought that what's missing is her ability to do anything…which isn't true.

After traveling for a couple minutes, Dearka stopped and his Gundam remained stationary in the air. Milly couldn't have traveled that far.

Re routing the Gundam's GPS locator, Dearka rescanned the air waves. Nothing. This was impossible. The one thing that seemed to bring Dearka abruptly from his thoughts was the ringing of the tracer. The screen began listing off coordinates.

Eyes narrowing, Dearka re read the screen several times. This was not happening. Every ounce of logic seemed to have evaporated. Why would the tracker be telling him that Milly and her _air_craft were submerged fifty feet underwater?

Replacing her film for the second time, Milly began rapidly taking pictures. Pictures of anything. Water, the cockpit, a fish, seaweed, water, more water. Nothing. Why wasn't this working?

Sighing heavily, Milly buried her face in her hands. Nothing was going her way. In fact, recently nothing was going the way she planned.

Memories exploded in Milly's mind. A short, nine year old girl stood perfectly still beside her parents. A small piece of paper was handed down to her, labeling the next week's routines. This was the first week that Milly had scheduled her classes and tutorials rather that having her parents do it. Everything was perfectly in order. Nothing was out of place or mistimed or misread. She had always liked to have things organized. No, that isn't true. Her parents liked to have everything organized. Even when she was handed the sheet of paper, the small child's mind raced. Pictures of horses and far off places leaped through her mind.

The girl stood in what appeared to be a kitchen. The tiles were all professionally scrubbed. The counters were even and smooth. Nothing littered the table or the cabinets. Everything seemed to be labeled and orderly. The young Milly tightened her hand. She was standing alone in the room, holding a small crumpled Kleenex. Walking over to the royal blue counter, Milly stood on her tip toes and placed the Kleenex gently on the edge. The Kleenex looked out of place. Everything around it seemed so perfect except for the one item Milly had just placed.

Smiling to her self, Milly left the kitchen. The Kleenex was out of place. Everything around it was flawless. The Kleenex was an imperfection…like her. That would annoy the hell out of her parents.

Clenching her hands around the seatbelt, Milly sighed heavily. It would be so much easier if she was a coordinator. Than maybe she could fly the aircraft. And maybe than, she could be useful on the ship. And maybe then, her parents wouldn't think she was a complete failure. And maybe then, Dearka would think that she could accomplish something.

The ship sank lower and lower. Each beeping noise came more frequently. Evening out her breathing, Milly contemplated her next move. What exactly was she supposed to do now?

The water around the ship began to look darker, as the cock pit's temperature dropped slightly. Shivering, Milly listened to her breathing, which was the only audible sound left.

The button below the monitor began to flash. Great. Milly swore that if one more thing flashed or beeped she beat the crap out of it.

Smacking the button with a fair amount of strength, Milly tried to release some of her tension and underlying sense of doom. She was not prepared for what she saw next.

The screen flashed once…twice… then it lit up fully and Dearka face appeared. Milly froze. My god, she was delusional.

Milly stared open mouthed.

"Milly!" Dearka exclaimed as though he was having just as much of a hard time believing it as she was.

"W-what are you.." Milly began. Something beeped again.

"What are you doing?" Dearka demanded trying to sound as calm as possible.

Milly thought for a moment. What was she doing? And more importantly, what did it look like she was doing?

"I don't really know…I mean…how did you find me?" Milly stuttered. Nothing was making sense any more.

Dearka made a face that seemed to say 'how the hell do you think I found you?'.

The sarcasm etched in Dearka's face seemed to tell Milly all she wanted to know. "Well Mr. Elthman, I don't need your help. Kindly get off my monitor."

Normally, she'd hang up the phone or push the 'end-call' button….unfortunately, the ship seemed to be missing that particular knob. Go figure.

"Milly.." Dearka said slowly, he didn't want to upset her…if her ship kept sinking down, the compression of the water on the exterior of the vessel would be too much. The aircraft wasn't meant to handle the depth it was descending at. It would be crushed by the pressure.

"Milly, listen to me. You have to come back. Okay? You'll get hurt."

"Because I'm not a coordinator right?" Milly snapped.

"No." Dearka responded, sounding genuinely taken back. "Because the ship can't handle it and the captain wanted me to bring you back."

Milly froze. "I'm sorry for being such an inconvenience to you, but I'm not done here. Get off my monitor."

Dearka closed his moth. Truly, Milly sounded hurt.

"Hey.." He began.

"I don't want your help. I can handle things my self." In fact, she could handle things herself since she was only about nine.

A heavy silence drifted between them. Barely any visible light encircled the ship and Gundam other than the light given off by the monitors.

Ignoring the beeping noise that rang in rapid succession, Milly inhaled deeply. If she didn't find out how to put all of her memories at ease, and what exactly she felt was missing, nothing would matter.

"I know." Dearka quietly said after a long pause.

"You know what?" Asked Milly impatiently, fiddling with another roll of film.

"I know you can handle this."

Milly paused. For a long moment, her mind was completely blank. "Pardon?"

"I know you can do this. I know you'll be able to find what you're searching for. Kay? Just because you're not a coordinator…I don't care. Seriously. I know that what you're looking for is important…or you wouldn't have stolen an aircraft. Even if it takes a really long time, I want to help you…find it."

Milly smiled softly.

A sound that was new and unheard until that moment echoed in the cock pit Milly was sitting in. It sounded so out of place. A loud crack emitted from the outer walls of the ship.

Immediately, Dearka felt his entire body go numb. The ship couldn't handle any more…

Milly felt the small vessel jerk and a seam on the right hand side split. Water cascaded in before Milly had time to react.

Shrinking, the black pupils of Dearka's eyes were consumed by the outer color. Dearka's mind plunged into SEED mode. Instinctively, equations and solutions began to formulate and Dearka took control over the manual drive of the Gundam.

It seemed that for both Dearka and Milly, everything went black.

Pulling the aircraft up from the water, Dearka typed and jabbed at the controls. Dragging the aircraft behind the Gundam took about three seconds to master. Every move was played out by a formula and worked through using mathematical equations and probability factors.

Both the aircraft and the Gundam emerged from the water simultaneously. Using the propulsion system, Dearka ensured that his Gundam would remain buoyant. Once satisfied with the ratio, Dearka opened the cockpit of his Gundam and leapt a couple feet to where the aircraft lay above the water.

Prying open the vessel's door, Dearka lifted an unconscious Milly from inside. A water-logged and ruined camera was clasped in her hands. Carrying her to the Gundam, Dearka set her down in the cockpit. This was his fault.

Coughing slightly, Milly's eyes twitched and opened. "w-what happened?" Were the first words that came out of Milly's mouth.

"I told you the ship couldn't handle it. Idiot." Dearka said trying to look smug. It didn't work. His face looked strained.

Milly looked straight into Dearka's face. Was he worried about her?

"Listen. I want to get you back. You scared the crap out of me. If you're going to steal something and run off…..tell me first." Dearka sighed heavily.

Both Milly and Dearka sat in the Gundam cockpit. It wasn't for a couple minutes until either of them said anything.

"I'm sorry about your camera." Dearka murmured looked guilty.

Smiling, Milly looked down at the wrecked camera. She had never taken the picture of what she was missing…

Stopping abruptly, Milly blinked. Nothing urgent was pulsing in her mind.

"What you're missing…" Dearka began, keeping his gaze forward. "what you're seeking, is it really that important? You're perfect. Really. I don't know what you'd want, to become better. But if you really are missing something…I want to help you find it…okay?"

Everything was chaotic. Nothing really made sense. It was at that point that Milly realized that she liked it that way. She had always been searching for comfort. Something to not fully understand. Something to help her grow. She found it.

What was missing, wasn't…not really. Just lost. It found her.

"You did." Milly said finally.

"I did what?" Dearka seemingly lost the conversation.

"You helped me find it." Milly laughed softly and leaned into Dearka's side.

"What you were looking for?" Dearka asked glancing down watching as Milly nodded.

Instead of feeling memories reeling in her mind, Milly stayed at that moment. She stayed in the present. Everything didn't have to be perfect or be organized. If she was flawless if she accepted her mediocrity, she would never grow.

"I'm going to be in huge trouble when I get back, right?" Milly asked Dearka, giggling quietly.

"Yeah." Dearka replied.

"Tell the captain…" Milly paused what was she going to tell that captain?

"That you were missing?" Asked Dearka.

"No…" Milly thought for a moment. "You were missing. It's lucky I found you, Mr. Elthman."

Dearka laughed.

"I'm glad you found me."

"Me too."

* * *

loved it? hated it? i wanna know! review! ;) 


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